Letting Go

When faced with the reality of my oldest child leaving home I weep.  It can't be time to let go yet.  There must be more time.  It was only last week that she was grasping my index finger to steady herself as she learned to walk, & just yesterday that she had her first piano recital.  How can I let go of those precious fingers?  How can she not need me anymore?  I struggle with the reality that I don't have anything else to teach her.  Surely not!  I look at myself & see the things that I possibly couldn't have taught her & look at her & wonder where she learned to be so poised & mature.

 Again I wonder how I will ever let go.  I am transported to April 6, 1988.  We had just found out that something was wrong with her.  That she was in danger & that she might not even survive.  As we drove to the Neo-natal unit I remember asking Barry what we would do if something happened.  If she died???…..I'll never forget his response.  He looked at me with such peace in his eyes & said, "Corinna, if this baby dies it will be God's will & she will be where we want to be–in His presence–and it will be all right.  And if this baby lives it will be God's will & it will be all right."  We took the next few minutes & placed her in His hands & reaffirmed our trust in Him. 

How do I let go?  I fear that the only way is to once again place her in His hands & realize that He's been holding her all along.


2 thoughts on “Letting Go

  1. I need to reread this posts on days when I am getting very frustrated at the girls!! I need to take a deep breath and enjoy today. I must remember that this season of my life will pass, whether I am ready or not!

    Also, I found that when I went off to college my relationship with my mom evolved deeper into a wonderful friendship. I wouldn’t trade what we have now for anything!!

    Corinna, I know you are a wonderful mom. Just stay open to phones calls at any time of the day or night!! =)

  2. I remember the day she was born. I remember being told just how little she was, and how fragile she was. I remember taking a moment with my parents and whispering a prayer for a brand new little Cynthia. Barry was right. It was God’s will, and it turned out alright!

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